Tuesday, November 14, 2006

im back.. not ready for posting real things yet, but enjoy these..

http://www.world66.com/myworld66/visitedStates/statemap?visited=ALCODCDEFLGAILINIAKSKYMDMIMNMONENYNCOHSCSDTNVAWVWI">
> your own visited states map


http://www.world66.com/community/mymaps/worldmap?visited=CAUSCZFRDEIEITMCPLESCHUKVA">
> your own visited countries map or vertaling Duits Nederlands

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Sorry, lots of time has passed since I last created a post. I guess I'll just summarize a bunch of stuff.
I'm still panicking about France, although to a much lesser extent. I got my fees paid and my visa is in my possession, so I feel alright. I've been cramming in visits to people and I said goodbye to Amelia, who left to study in Argentina, so I won't see her for a full year.. I feel really rushed, and theres only like 4 or 5 more weekends before I go, so i'm trying to make the most of them, while appeasing my parents at the same time.
My brother gets back from China on August 2nd, so I'm excited about that. I'm going to have him meet Gavin, which I'm excited about, but I'm also excited just to hang out with him and everything.
Speaking of Gavin, last weekend we went to the world's largest waterpark, a place called Noah's Ark in the Wisconsin Dells. It was a lot of fun, and it was a really fun time to spend with Gavin. Afterwards, we drove back to Madison and went with his roommate Steve to the townie bars of a nearby town called Stoughton, where Steve grew up. One of Gavin's best friends, Ross, showed up, and that made it a lot of fun too, because Ross likes me, so it makes me feel even more comfortable with everything, because then Gavin doesn't have to worry about entertaining me when he's with his friends.
Some snazzy news regarding Gavin is that based upon things that he's been saying lately, it appears that he's planning on sticking around for me while I'm gone in France! He's planning on coming to visit, and makes comments implying that. Not that he hasn't had his doubts or anything, because a few weeks ago he confided in me that several weeks previous to that he'd been planning on telling me that he didn't think we should date, because of France coming up and the age difference, but then he decieded that he liked me too much. That got me thinking/worrying about things, but he's just continued to prove to me how quality he is and that he truly cares for me. I'm putting off any other serious conversations about our relationship until the last minute. I figure no sense making things uncertain and stressful between the two of us for the whole next month when we could just enjoy the time we have left and discuss things when its actually necessary..
Well thats that for now, time for a nap..

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

briefly panicking about France, yet again..

Ok, so I'm freaking out quite a bit about France now.. I'm really scared.. I know I'm going to have a wonderful time, but the thing is, I'm having such a wonderful time here right now that I don't want things to change. I'm so scared that things with friends and Gavin are going to be washed all the way back to the start, and I just don't want that.. This whole situation with Gavin is hands down the best relationship I've ever been in with a guy, even though we've only been together for such a short time.. Just the quality of what we have is unlike anything that I've ever experienced before.. I know that I need to go, not just for my major and all, but for me, because this has been my dream for years, but if there ever was bad timing to things, this would be it. Even just thinking of how much I care about Annika, my roommate who decided to live in a different city to be with her boyfriend over the summer, but how after only like 2 months of her living away, how much more infrequently that I communicate with her. Its so bad, because she seriously has been one of my best friends this year, but its just so different and much more difficult, with us living separate lives from one another with some distance between us. This is, on a smaller scale, exactly what I don't want to happen to me next year with everybody, but what I think will.. Obviously, I'm not going to ruin my study abroad experience by spending the whole time wishing I was in Madison while I'm in provincial France, but still... I'm scared and a bit sad, mixed in with all my excitement and anticipation.

yay for road trips with sexy people

Alright, well the whole road trip to Kansas City thing actually happened, and it was awesome.. Gavin and I are closer than ever, despite spending 9 hours in the car together each way, getting lost, and being thrust into a situation where I knew nobody. Gavin is amazing, and I'm so happy that everything is going so well with him.. It feels like we've been friends forever and its truly an equal relationship, which is perfect. Ok, enough gushing, but seriously, I couldn't create a more perfect situation right now with any guy.. It feels so good to get respect and appreciation for who I actually am...
Well, from a while back, I'll update you a little.. I went to the zoo with Josiah, and I couldn't bring myself to say anything about Gavin.. I just didn't know how to bring it up tactfully out of nowhere.. But then, the next day, I went for coffee with his roommate Alex, who is all into hearing about relationships and everything, so I told him about it, and then Josiah came to join us, and the first thing Alex said was to tell him about Gavin. Josiah reacted fine, so that was good, but Alex kept bringing it up, and I think he got a little annoyed about the situation. Anyways, the point is, all is well and our friendship hasn't changed at all, which is perfect..
Anyways, my best friend from back home, Amelia, and Linda, a German girl who lived with Amelia's family for a year a while ago and is visiting again, are coming to Madison to visit me, so I'm super excited..
I'm gonna go bake cookies now, because I'm a dork..

Thursday, June 23, 2005

more about the gavin situation

Well, everything is still going wonderfully with Gavin.. He's awesome and we're still getting along great.. I'm trying to not make the mistakes I made with Paul and Chris- making sure that we get enough time apart to keep things interesting and to not be forgetful of who I am and my own interests. It sounds like a lame goal, but if you spend tons of time with one person, it can get very hard to keep individual interests of your own, even if they aren't shared by the other.

Anyways, on an interesting note, I'm going to the zoo with Josiah, and I haven't told him about Gavin yet. I'm sure it'll go over fine, but I'm kind of curious to see what his reaction is. The thing is, I couldn't just keep waiting for Josiah to be upfront about his feelings, and I don't even know what those feelings were, anyways. I really like Gavin a ton, and I'm very happy where things are at, whereas with Josiah, it just makes more sense to be good friends right now. The whole issue of platonic friendships can be very difficult sometimes, unless both people are entirely on the same page as far as where they stand with one another.

Next weekend, if I can get off of work, I'll be going on a road trip to Kansas City with Gavin to visit his identical twin brother.. I'm really excited.. Last weekend I was able to impress Gavin's friends, we'll see if I can impress his best friend/brother. I really want him to meet my best friend from Mequon, Amelia, and Linda from Germany, who are coming to visit me on Sunday.

Anyways, I'll keep updating on the zoo trip with Josiah, whether or not I can go to Kansas City, and all about my upcoming weekend. I think that Gavin and I are going to a drive-in movie theather, which I've never done before.. good stuff

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

survey thingy continued

1. PICK ONE OF YOUR SCARS OUT, NOW HOW DID YOU GET IT? I have a scar on my right ring finger. The story? When I was 3 years old I was running with a huge stick on the driveway of our old house in Michigan and I fell and my hands were bleeding a ton. This is actually one of my very first memories that I still have.
2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM? I have photos of my friends both from my hometown and my Madison friends. Then I have what I call the Wall-O-Fun which has random stupid inside joke things and newspaper photos of bands that I like and phone numbers of friends and relatives, postcards, and fortune cookie fortunes.. Then on a different wall, I've got postcards of different famous paintings, and then I've also got a Radiohead, Amensiac poster and a mirror.
3. WOULD YOU RATHER PLAY FOOTBALL OR WATCH IT? Watch it
4. WHAT SPORT WOULD YOU SAY YOU ARE BEST AT? tennis
5. WHAT WAS YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE? Hmm well, I have lots of nightmares about people I love dying, so I'd say those are probably the worst
6. HOW DO YOU EXERCISE? I walk miles and miles each day in Madison.. I live kind of far off campus but I still try to walk anyways.
7. APPLES OR ORANGES? apples, granny smith apples to be exact
8. GRAPES OR WATERMELON? grapes
9. WOLVES OR TIGERS? Tigers, for the sheer fact that I love cats
10. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO? lots of different kinds.. I guess to place them in categories: indie rock, emo, classic rock, rap, pop, foreign pop.. I like it all..
11. HAVE YOU EVER WRITTEN POETRY? Mainly just for school, but on occasion just because I feel like it
13. DO YOU REMEMBER BIRTHDAYS? For the most part yes
14. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN? 8:18am
15. DO YOU HAVE A BIRTHMARK, WHERE? My two most prominent ones are I have a big one on my left shin that I cant even picture myself without, and I have one on my left shoulder
16. WOULD YOU CALL YOURSELF A ROMANTIC PERSON? yup
17. WHAT IS THE WEIRDEST THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE? Hmm.. that's tough- I try to be weird every day, because that makes things interesting.. haha
18. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU STARTED FILLING THIS IN?Checking my email and listening to Coldplay
19. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE GUM? Big Red
20. FAVORITE CHOCOLATE? Godiva, hands down... If you don't agree, then I'm pretty sure you've never tried it before... mmmm
21. FAVORITE CANDY (NON CHOCOLATE)? Jelly Bellies
22. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA ICE-CREAM? Chocolate.. I've got a bit of an obsession.. haha
23. DO YOU OWN ANYTHING LEATHER? ummm Leather shoes...
24. FAVORITE COLOGNE? I don't really know, but I like it when guys smell good
25. FAVORITE PERFUME? either the Gap's "So Pink" or else my Victoria's Secret Garden "Love Spell"
26. DO YOU OWN AN INSTRUMENT? a clarinet, which I hardly ever play anymore
27. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX? hair, eyes, smile...
28. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL? chocolate, cake batter, campfires, flowers
29. FAVORITE SOUND THAT YOU HEAR OFTEN? my music
30. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING RIGHT NOW? how I should leave for the library and post office, because I had been planning on leaving like a half hour ago
31. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC? Only sometimes
32. COULD YOU EVER SEE YOURSELF MOVING FROM WHERE YOU ARE? I'm moving to France in 2 months, so yeah..
33. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE OF ALL TIME? hmm thats tough.. going along with the French theme and the whole romantic question from before, I'd have to say Amélie
34. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG OF ALL TIME? hmm.. Thats essentially impossible
35. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR WHEN YOU WERE TEN? blue
36. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? blue
37. HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Of course.. my pink kitty
38. IF SO WHAT WAS/IS IT'S NAME? pink kitty... haha I wasn't too creative back then
39. WHO WAS YOUR FIRST CRUSH WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE? Robert Koepsell
40. MOST EMBARRASSING CHILDHOOD MOMENT? When I was riding home on the bus in 7th grade and my button-down shirt unbuttoned itself while I was getting up to leave the bus, in front of everyone else..
41. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX? Brown but I’m not picky really
42. WHAT ATTRACTS YOU TO SOMEONE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX? humor, intellegence, how considerate and kind they are, self-confidence (but not too much) and also appearance tells something about who somebody is (i.e. style)
43. WHO OUT OF YOUR FRIENDS OF THE SAME SEX HAVE YOU KNOWN THE LONGEST? Kathryn, since 3rd grade or so..
44. OF THE OPPOSITE? The only one not from college that I still actually talk to is Beedl
WHAT IS THEIR MIDDLE NAME? Daniel
46. SUNRISE OR SUNSET? Sunset.. or sunrise, if you've stayed up the whole night to see it..
47. WHERE AT? across lake mendota
48. (FOR THE LADIES, BE TRUTHFUL) WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT? outside in some beautiful place
49. (NOW THE GENTLEMEN, BE TRUTHFUL) WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING?
50. WHAT ARE YOUR FIVE FAVORITE MOVIES OF THIS YEAR? I havent seen many, but I liked Star Wars III and Garden State.. I can't think of many other movies that I've seen
57. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF GOING FOR YOUR HONEYMOON? Italy or some tropical place
58. CAN YOU PLAY AN INSTRUMENT? I played the clarinet
59. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?. French
60. WHAT WAS THE BEST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)? Not counting a ring that this kind of obsessive guy gave me, a red rose..
61. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE SINGER? strictly for quality of the voice, I'll say Kelly Clarkson
62. FAVORITE BAND(s)? already did this
63. WHAT KIND OF BOOKS DO YOU LIKE TO READ? biographies, nonfiction, historical fiction, mysteries
64. DO YOU LIKE POETRY? yup
65. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR COFFEE? with milk, and if I'm feeling unhealthy, then with chocolate
66. WHAT's your favorite PHRASE to use? "its all good"
67. DRAGONS OR DINOSAURS? umm dragons I guess.. I'm all about fire breathing
68. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING? Ahhhhh Ok, so love is wayyyyy too strong of a word for the moment, but I'm definitly falling for Gavin, and I'm going to be leaving for France for a year in 2 months, so I sure as fuck hope that he's willing to fall in love with the knowledge that I'm leaving for quite a while..
69. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU? saying it, showing it...
71. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED: 3
72. BLONDES, REDHEADS OR BRUNETTES?: brunettes because I am one
73. WOULD YOU PREFER TO GO ICE SKATING OR ROLLER SKATING? ice skating, but I'm bad at both
74. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL OFTEN? Tara and my parents
75. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST? people who twist the truth for bad purposes
76. HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL? Back in the day…

Monday, June 13, 2005

ok, i think im just completely insane

Yeah, so scratch everything up to this point, and lets just say I've met like the greatest guy ever.. His name is Gavin and hes a total gentleman who's into tons of the same things that I am, but yet has lots of his own interests that make him interesting, who I have fun dancing with, and never run out of things to talk about with. We seriously have such an incredible connection and we just met two weekends ago. Its kind of a long story of how we met, but we spent hours talking and I told him to call me, and he was like, "How old are you?" to which I responded that I was 20.. When he didnt respond I asked him the same thing and he was like, 26... haha Soooo, a little of an age difference, but I had just had such a great evening with him I was like, you know what, age is just a number, I still think you should call me.. And the next day, he did! We've hung out almost every day for the past 2 weeks, and we just get along so well.. On Friday, after coming back from a bar, he ended up staying over so he didnt have to take a cab back home, but my roommate decided that night to sleep on the futon, so I gave him permission to sleep in my bed.. Well, with everything that Ive been feeling about all my recent encounters with guys, even though hes like perfect, I want to make sure we take things slow, so I discussed with him that I wanted to keep things at about PG-13 because its just something I need to do for my self esteem, amoung other things.. He was totally cool with that and we just spent the night kissing and cuddling and all that and it was perfect.. Also the fact that he was totally cool with me dictating those things and that he didn't push it at all or anything really showed me a lot about his character.. Anyways, hes just made it so clear that he truly likes me, and we spend so much time together.. its great! I really like him a ton, and I'm excited about this situation, because I've really been able to just be myself with him from the start.. Anyways, he's at his grandma's funeral for the next few days, which is really sad, because I know how hard those things can be, but we have what he calls a "date" date on Saturday, which I don't quite get, because we've been on like 10 dates, so maybe this one is at like a fancy restaurant or something..well im excited... Anyways, we'll see how things go, and ill just hope that everything continues as amazingly as it has been..

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Jump to Conclusions Mat= Worst idea I have ever heard

Well, this post doesn't have to do with a "Jump to Conclusions Mat" (the title just pays homage to Office Space, a truly high quality and resonating film), but it does have to do with the problems with me coming to different conclusions and then everything getting fucked up from there.. Soooo this refers to my last post about Josiah.. I just feel like theres something about me that screams out to anyone who is a male, "FRIEND ONLY!" or I geuss depending on the guy "Someone who I'd like to hook up with but not actually give a shit about!".. For Memorial day I had a cookout on our porch and it was my 4 closest guy friends (Josiah included) and one more guy who I don't know very well that is the roommate of 2 of them and then 2 of my female roommates.. Anyways, as I was sitting there, chilling, having a good time, one thing kind of bothered me- the fact that I lacked any chemistry beyond just kind of one-of-the-guys with any of the guys... Not that I was looking for it with anyone besides Josiah, but it was just so apparent.. Its frustrating kind of, because even though I love all those guys and everything is perfect with them and I truly don't want anything to ever change (again, with exception of this whole Josiah situation) in the back of my head somewhere my mind tells me that theres something unappealing and unattractive about me thats preventing any of these guys, who enjoy my company as a friend, to ever want more.. Kind of weird, I know, but I'm an overanalytical person, so I think about this kind of shit.. I just don't want to waste any time getting unhappy about any of this, because that would be completely unnecessary and stupid, but sometimes its easier said than done to let things go.. But, optimistically, I'm trying to just forget about it all, and just let what happens, happen..